When someone close to you has a chronic illness, it’s often hard to know how to help. It may take some time and sensitivity, but friends and family members can make a huge difference to someone dealing with ongoing health issues, especially when it comes to quality of life and emotional well-being.
Asked what’s most important to them, people with chronic kidney disease (CKD) at all stages say they want to be able to live well, maintain an active social life and have a sense of control over their health. Surveys have found that meaningful life activities for people with kidney disease include work, family time, travel, sports, social activities and recreational activities.
Stay In Touch
Unfortunately, kidney disease and other chronic illnesses can lead to people becoming isolated and lonely. Feeling unwell, being tired, traveling to frequent medical appointments and other disruptions all combine to cut people off from their past activities and personal connections. One of the simplest ways friends or family can help is to put in extra effort to keep in touch. You can ask if there’s a time when they’re best able to talk or meet. It helps to be flexible, since there are times they might not be up for socializing.
Learn the Basics
A little research into your friend’s experience can go a long way. “Knowing basic terminology, as well as familiarizing yourself with common symptoms and treatments, can help you feel more prepared in conversing with your loved one. This knowledge can also help you validate and understand the new challenges they may be facing,” recommended Josie Lafontant, who wrote a blog post for the Renal Support Network about assisting her sister who has CKD.
Be a Good Listener
“Sometimes, all we need is for someone to listen to us. We need to get things off our chest and have a moment where we get to complain about our struggle,” Brad Chaffee wrote about his CKD challenges at Medium.com. “We’re human and it’s never good to let all that frustration and angst build up into something that could have a negative impact on our health.”
Understand Limitations
Know that your friend may feel ill or exhausted and struggle with activities. “All of the things I did before my kidneys failed that required a modicum of energy are suddenly insurmountable,” Bell Maddux wrote for the Renal Support Network. “Walking up the stairs, lifting a bag of groceries, or just crossing the street, I find myself pausing often to catch my breath and regain my strength before I continue.”
Offer Specific Help
If you want your friend to take you up on an offer to help them, being specific can be useful. Ask if they’d like a hand with practical tasks, things like housekeeping, yardwork, babysitting, shopping or running errands. Bringing meals is a common and traditional way of helping, but remember that some illnesses limit what people can eat or drink. Those with advanced kidney disease have strict nutritional needs, so it may be best to ask first.
Traveling back and forth from medical appointments and procedures can be especially difficult. People on dialysis usually head to a clinic three times a week for treatments of up to four hours. Having friends offer a ride regularly or on a set rotation can be a big help.
“I have very close friends that … would take turns cooking, taking my son to school and/or appointments, and helping me to my doctor's appointments,” wrote Ellery Payton of the American Kidney Fund. “I'm a very proud man who wants to be able to take care of myself and solve whatever issues come my way, but I must admit that I could not have made it through everything that was going on during both of my transplants without having my family and friends as a great support system.”
Be an Advocate
Many people with chronic illnesses want to increase public awareness about the disease that affects them, raise money for health charities, or push for more research and better medical care. You can join in the effort. When we have our Walk for Kidney Health each summer, many friends and family members sign up as teams and walk alongside people with kidney disease to show their support.
People waiting for a transplant sometimes have friends or family members who act as “donor champions,” helping to spread the word about their need for a living donor. One of the most generous ways to help is by becoming a living kidney donor!
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